Confidence is all about the outcome and your ability to handle or control it. That’s it.
You can walk with your shoulders held back and your head held high but that won’t do anything if your mindset isn’t right. Confidence is a mindset, not a skill, but it’s one that’s easy to learn.
It does require some practise, quite a bit of discomfort, and a lot of awkwardness, but once you go through those you’ll develop an unstoppable confidence.
Understand that Whatever Happens you will be Okay
In 99.9% of situations, no matter how bad the outcome is you will be okay. This could be going to somewhere new for the first time, asking someone out, or even playing in a new sport, you will be okay.
The main reason we stop ourselves from taking actions that scare us is because we imagine the worst case scenario. For example, if we want to ask someone on a date then we will imagine them not only saying no but then laughing in our face, and telling everyone so they also laugh in our face, and then everyone telling everyone else so now everyone in the whole world will know that you’re a loser who got rejected. This is pure fantasy.
This is called Worst Case Thinking and we do it to protect ourselves. Our brains number 1 responsibility is to protect us from danger, and it does this by imagining all of the possible outcomes of an action. This actually comes from the old days where we would hunt but not know where a predator might be. If we imagined that a predator could be in all possible hiding locations then we are best prepared for if it is actually nearby.
The best way to overcome this is to think of previous experiences. Let’s say you do ask the person that you fancy out for a date, and they say no. They might laugh at you, your friends might make a few jokes at your expense, and you’ll feel a bit rubbish… but you’ve dealt with all of that before right?
Maybe not from this exact situation, but you’ve been laughed at before and survived. You’ve dealt with all the negative emotions before and survived which means you’ll be able to deal with them again.
Gain Life Experiences
As mentioned in the previous section, the best way to overcome the negative consequences of an action is to remind yourself that you’ve dealt with those emotions before. This does require you to push your limits by trying new things, most likely failing, and experiencing the consequences of that.
The best way to overcome your fears is to just face them. Dive headfirst into them and figure your way out. This requires taking a leap of faith, but you can easily make one if you do a little bit of research beforehand. Research what to expect, some ways to overcome challenges, and develop a plan of action so you know what to do when it gets tough.
You can also gain some experiences by talking to people. Everyone has a story to share, and they will often share the lessons they’ve painfully learnt in the hopes that they can help others avoid the same pitfalls. All you’ve got to do is ask.
The best way to start these sorts of conversations is to begin with a high energy and then meet their level. This stops you from being annoying but importantly puts you on the same level going forwards. You must then ask questions with the goal of learning and understanding, not to continue the conversation or add your own input. Remain silent and let them continue speaking until they are finished and listen to every word they say. Then ask questions related to the things they’ve said.
This will work in any customer service setting or even a gathering. You will need to shorten it for a party, and you do that by asking more direct questions.
Overview
- Confidence is all about the outcome and your ability to handle or control it
- Remember that whatever happens you will be okay
- You’ve dealt with negative emotions before and can therefore deal with them again
- Talk to people to learn their lessons